I am tackling probably one of the most asked questions this week when it comes to the NCAA March Madness Tournament:
If Space Jam characters were the current teams in the Sweet Sixteen this March… who would they be?
EVERYBODY GET UP IT’S TIME TO SLAM NOW…
Michigan State: Michael Jordan
This team is lovable, talented and most importantly…real. MJ’s character in Space Jam was lovable, talented and real. I absolutely think Michigan State has a chance to win it all with Izzo’s genius and his team’s undeniable grit. The impressive performance against Virginia was no surprise to Michigan State fans that remember keeping up toe to toe with Wisconsin in the B1G conference championship. Travis Trice is on fire. This is a team that is fun to watch, electric on both sides of the ball and they have a lot of love surrounding them. In case you live under a rock and never read the story of Lacey Holsworth, grab some tissues and check out my favorite story about her life here. This year the team is playing at a level that is hard to match and I’d like to think it is because of a little angel watching over her favorite team and cheering them on. Do it for Lacey, Spartans!
NC State: Lola Bunny
Holy sexy win over Villanova, Batman! Not only did the Wolfpack win as far as team names go, but they took the 1 seed down to the wire and defeated them. This team has the spirit, the talent and the feisty attitude that it takes to win on the big stage. March Madness got its name from upsets like the Wolfpack handed to Villanova. Lola Bunny is a perfect character to represent this team because she was fiercely competitive, driven and had a lot to prove. Sound like NC State? Yeah, I thought so too. Keep in mind Lola was in the final four against the Monstars… Just sayin’
Wisconsin: Bugs Bunny
This team is the ringleader of the bunch. Wisconsin has shown that they belong in the Final Four if not the title game. We all know that Wisconsin can hang with their 33-3 record going into the game against North Carolina. We all know that they are favorited to go all the way. I feel like outside of the B1G, Wisconsin is a pretty likeable team. Not only do they have great cheese, they have the toughest road to the Final Four by a landslide. Oregon gave Badgers fans all over a mild panic attack last round and now they are facing up with the North Carolina team that is dangerous and well-seasoned for March. Wisconsin always ruined Kansas State’s attempts in the tournament yet I always seemed to enjoy watching their team afterwards. Traevon Jackson’s return could help this team go over the Monstars of UNC and move on. Whoops, spoiler alert…
North Carolina: Bupkus
The only saving grace for North Carolina’s comparison to a lesser evil member of the nerdlucks? The fact that Duke is still in it. North Carolina fans and Duke fans are some of the most smug and elitist fans I have ever met. They have been spoiled rotten with outstanding basketball and rarely seem to appreciate what they have. They do not deserve to be represented by a cute cuddly bunny or a lovable duck. They are the lesser evil of basketball fans when compared to Duke and Kentucky. North Carolina is led by the great mind of Roy Williams that has continued to keep a top tier program year after year. Do KU fans still enjoy with Roy loses? Maybe. But KU fans don’t realize that if they were still in it…they would definitely be part of the Nerdlucks. I see this team being stopped by Wisconsin and no longer being a part of the equation.
West Virginia: Bill Murray
While this is not the most relevant and basketball based character in Space Jam, I based this solely off likeability. Bill Murray is arguably one the most likeable and hilarious human beings on this planet. Have you ever met Bill Murray? I haven’t but I would love to have that chance. Lucky for me, he shows up randomly in Aggieville. Back to the point, besides Bill Murray, I’d like to think Bob Huggins would also be on my dream team of people I need to party with. Not only does Bob Huggins not give a damn about wearing a suit, his whole team seems to be fly as hell with little to no effort. Although I doubt Huggie Bear gives a shit about stats, he is 8-2 against Coach Cal. While Huggins makes basketball fun to watch for his antics and quotes, I just really want to see Huggie bear give the evil Coach Cal the “At least you tried” smile and take down Kentucky. Which brings us to our next point…
Kentucky: Mister Swackhammer
Yep, I went there. Coach Cal has a lot of nicknames and I’m sure you can add your own for the legendary Kentucky coach. Being a “Huggie Bear” is definitely not one of them. With his charming ways and magical powers, Coach Cal has basically solidified Kentucky as the powerhouse of college basketball. Is it a GOAT school? Arguments can be made. Keeping this team relevant and full of fire has never seemed to be a problem. He gets the best because he is the best. Simple, really. When watching Space Jam, you just want Swackhammer to get knocked on his greedy ass and lose the game. This is no surprise to me that most of the nation would love to see Kentucky lose. Well, besides the Kentucky faithful like whiny Ashley Judd that can’t take a joke. This team is a powerhouse of talent, but like we learned in Space Jam… even the big bad tough dudes can be defeated. So c’mon West Virginia!
UCLA: Shawn Bradley
The age old question of people that remember the not-so-illustrious career of Shawn Bradley… Why would someone want to steal his talent? The Bruins have peaked at a perfect time, had the refs on their side in #GoaltendingGate and made it to the Sweet 16. Bradley was famous for being dunked on by much shorter players and it doesn’t really make sense to take that talent, but thanks guys, that helped the Looney Tunes team beat the Monstars. With my lack of faith and overall anger at UCLA for being in this spot when it should have been SMU… I am hereby proclaiming that UCLA has luck on their side much like Shawn Bradley did when he was allowed to be in this iconic movie. *hair flip*
Oklahoma: Yosemite Sam
While West Virginia might be the Mountaineers and have the whole “lumberjack/ pioneer” thing down, the Oklahoma Sooners are the loose cannon cousin, Yosemite Sam. They have Buddy Hield, Big 12 Player of the Year. They have a chance at beating Michigan State if Hield fires on all cylinders. Sadly, the Big 12 had a less than stellar appearance in the tournament this year and solidified all the criticism about not being the best conference overall. Oklahoma is representing along with West Virginia to make a run for the title and with the brain power and the talent that Lon Kruger has developed. Yosemite Sam’s temper is something the Sooners need to embody and let shine through in their matchup with Michigan State this week. Shots fired, Oklahoma could advance to the Final Four.
The shortest of the group, the hot-headed nerdluck that seems to be pretty lovable and “cute.” The ‘Zags are not a fearful team, but they are solid all around. On paper, this team is absolutely a title contender. In this tournament? Maybe. I think the “cute” factor of Nawt fits in with this team because I do NAWT see them going to the Final Four. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Wichita State: Daffy Duck
Remember when I pointed out that Lola Bunny was a part of the final Looney Tunes characters to make it after the Monstars starting putting hits out on players? Yeah, well so is Daffy Duck. The classic turning point in the movie is when Daffy spits out to the little nerdlucks that they need to “practice growing taller.” BOOM, now the nerdlucks are Monstars. It’s with this gut checking ability that Wichita State tromped on Kansas to win a battle long in the making. Daffy has the ability to be a bad ass and question the talent around him and back up his own skills without coming off as overly cocky.
Utah: Stan Podolak
Alright, this is simply because they are facing the Monstar to end all Monstars this week… Coack 1K and Duke. I’m not sure I should be so quick to give up on Utah, but the Utes could use all the help they can get to face Duke. Also, Utah has then entire population of red blooded Americans on their side. Why? Because everyone wants to see Duke go down. (well, besides the cold-blooded demons that root for them) It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. People that don’t realize 1 seeds can be defeated need to watch the recap of NC State and Villanova. Utah is nothing to scoff at, much like Stan, they do their job extremely well. The Utes have the weapons to knock off Duke and they have the ability to make it to the Final Four but much like Stan Podolak, I think they will get flatlined in this game against Duke.
This orange nerdluck is known as the continual bully of the group and also the leader. Coach 1K and the Blue Devils are some of the most hated people in college basketball because they are SO DAMN GOOD. Much like when Pound stole the power of Charles Barkley, he morphed into an even worse bully that everyone feared and loathed at the same time. Pound redeemed himself after the nerdlucks lost and he finally got some nerdluck tail from Pumpkin. Which sounds like Charles Barkley being extremely likeable once he got fat and sassy and cruised around looking for sexual favors. Wait, what? Duke has a strong chance to win the title this year but has Utah as their main roadblock right now. With Jahlil Okafor, the Blue Devils are self-assured and radiating from confidence. But of course everyone in America wanting Duke to lose makes this comparison even more accurate. Pound, you’re going down.
While completely terrifying on the court and full of raw and undeniable talent… I just can’t hate Arizona the way I can hate Duke, Kentucky and UNC. Maybe it is because I’m too emotional and saw the way K-State went toe to toe with them in the beginning of the season. Maybe it is because the love of my life, Rob Gronkowski is such an avid fan of his school. Maybe it is because they are the Wildcats and I have to cheer for the lesser of evil schools with the same mascot. This Monstar school is definitely the most lovable of the 1 and 2 seeds. They are also not to be loved too much because they will crush you if you challenge them. Xavier will have their hands full on Thursday but at least they have time to rest and prep for the Wildcats. This team is not one you can play when you are less than 100% ready.
Notre Dame: Sylvester the Cat
What do leprechauns do besides not actually exist? They are annoying, have a pot of gold hidden somewhere and won’t share the wealth. Much like Syl’s obsession with Tweety Bird, Notre Dame and their gold things are pretty pointless in this tournament. I have disliked Notre Dame for a while and this is another perfect comparison for people who feel the same way. What was the point of Sylvester the Cat in Space Jam? Riding the bench? Not being annoying? Know your role, Notre Dame. Wichita State is on a journey to #ShockCity and you are just another speed bump in the way.
Xavier: Charles Barkley
This movie played into Barkley’s hilarious personality and his well-known love of shenanigans. His role was beautiful, seemingly effortless and fun to watch. Similar of Xavier’s play so far this tournament. Georgia State was a helluva lot easier of an opponent than Baylor would have been so they skated right into the Sweet 16. This week they have to tackle the monstArous Arizona and hope they can squeak into the Elite 8. The team is from the nitty gritty city of Cincinnati and they know how to be tough as hell when needed. While Chris Mack had Jalen Reynolds straight off the bench to take them over the edge against Georgia State, he will need his team to play an equally impressive game against Arizona or they could be more over than Madonna and Charles Barkley.
Last but not least, the only reason Rick Pitino is “Bang” (aka second in charge to the evil Pound) is based off the fact that Pitino is no angel himself. He is also coaching one of the toughest teams in terms of clashing personality wise and they barely got by a much better Northern Iowa team. Tough, impatient and nervous sums up Bang as well as Louisville in this year’s tournament. I’m annually impressed by Louisville in football and basketball and I must admit this team could pull past a feisty and raring to go NC State. I see this battle of red ending in Lola Bunny’s favor and the Cardinals ending their run at the title when they face the Wolfpack on Friday.
Agree? Disagree? Comment below or tweet us! @SprotsTakesWith