Resolutions You’ll Actually Keep in 2017

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It’s that time of year again where we all make lists of lofty aspirations for the coming year. The time of year we expect a new year to create a 180 degree change. So, instead, here are some resolutions that you can actually keep, and will still make you a better person.
Now, repeat after me:

1. I will not use emojis in place of actual words, and I will make sure my friends and family do the same.
2. I will ban could of/would of/should of from my vocabulary, as it is not a thing.
3. I will not live tweet old shows while I binge watch on Netflix.
4. I will know my order by the time it is my turn in line.
5. I will actually read an article and verify its validity before sharing it on Facebook.
6. I will remind my family members that The Onion is not real.
7. I will stop making fun of things people like and let people enjoy things, even if they’re dumb.
8. I will stop sending Snapchats of my car radio.
9. I will not abuse the live video option on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram.

And the last resolution, but certainly not least:
10. Don’t be a dick.

Have a safe and happy new year, y’all.

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