This week proves to be one of the longest and most stressful weeks of the year. There’s Thanksgiving. And Black Friday. There’s driving long distances to see people you may or may not even like. And there’s cooking. There’s overeating. There’s wine and hangovers. Then, when it’s all over, it doesn’t even feel like you had any days off. To make matters worse, the ensuing madness is complicated by a must-win game for our beloved Huskers. Here are 10 survival tips to get through the weekend.
For the traveling folks – plan ahead.
Don’t let your in-laws or extended family members dictate what’s really #1 in your life: Husker football. Grandma wants to do Black Friday shopping? She better get her rascal in gear at 4 am to have that shit over by 8. That gives you plenty of time to squeeze in some much needed Z’s after staring at granny’s purple hair for 2 hours freezing to death in front of a Target.
Get good and drunk on Wednesday.
Going to be the passenger in the car for a 6 hour ride? Play a drinking game by yourself. If you’re in the Midwest, take a shot every time you see a Trump/Pence bumper sticker. If you’re in a blue state, well, drink because you’re better off than those of us stuck in red hell. In the end, your hangover will be gone by Friday, leaving the opportunity to abuse your liver if need be on Friday.
Read this Wikipedia snippet and get motivated to hate Iowa.
Find a Thanksgiving jam.
It can be whatever you want. Blast it proudly every day. My jam? Spice Girls, “Wannabe.” No shame. Put your jam on repeat during the Nebraska game if things aren’t going well. Find your happy place.
Openly judge everyone you know on Facebook changing their profile pictures to “thankful for us.”
Let the disdain pour out of you like Niagara Falls. Hate like every damn one. The more hate you release, the less will be available to bring you down during the game on Friday.
Eat so much food on Thursday that you literally ate for 5 people.
Overindulge! You’ve earned it! You survived the trek. It was YOU that survived the awkward small talk regarding your life status. You managed not to embarrass yourself in front of your Trump-supporting relatives by suggesting a lobotomy might help. Get your reward in on Thursday as Friday may bring dark times.
Convert family members into Nebraska fans.
Let them think it was their choice. Show pictures of a smiling Mike Riley to your aunt who isn’t sure how many points a 2 point conversion is worth. Talk up the Big Red resurgence to your brother in law who sports Bama gear these days but you have high school photos proving he used to ride the Husker Bandwagon back in the day. The more people you get on your side, the better your odds of claiming the best TV in the house.
If need be, keep this list handy of other Black Friday games.
Should Nebraska be doing poorly, flip over to TCU at Texas and stare into Charlie Strong’s eyes. You will find darkness and despair, disappointment and defeat. A shudder will come over you and the hair on the back of your neck will stand up. Quickly change stations and be #thankful for not being Texas.
Don’t forget to pack your Husker gear.
Stay hydrated, it’s good for you.
See you on the other side, Husker fans. Good luck and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
@ me, bro. @Wiemerz