The Final Four: Mean Girls Edition







The madness is coming to a halt, the Final Four is set and March Madness will end April 3rd. While the end of college basketball is traumatic for most of us, it means one step closer to football starting up for the rest of us. All we have to do is get through five months of nothing but baseball, hockey, NBA and other sporting events until then. Some of you may be trying to put a finger on what this year’s Final Four teams remind you of, don’t worry… We’ve got you covered.

North Carolina: Regina George

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by UNC.

Yes, the Regina George of basketball. No one besides their own actually like North Carolina. Year after year, title after title… No thanks. This is the team that makes us choose between cheering for Duke and cheering for them. Since Duke is out, we all have to cheer for any team BUT North Carolina. Let’s hope we can cheer when Cady Heron pushes Regina in front of a bus…


Oregon: Karen Smith

Slightly slow at times, makes up for it with style and fancy outfits. Oregon rose to popularity with shiny outfits, flashy uniforms and most importantly…great coaching. Out of all the teams, Oregon was the most overlooked and underutilized on brackets across the nation, even though they were all over ESPN or something. Surprised themselves just as much as anyone else when they made the Final Four over Kansas. 


Gonzaga: Gretchen Wieners

Why should North Carolina get to stomp around the Final Four like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about North Carolina? Hm? Gonzaga is just as cute as North Carolina. Gonzaga is just as smart as North Carolina. People totally like Gonzaga just as much as they like North Carolina. And when did it become okay for one person to be the champion of everything, huh? Because that’s not what March Madness is about. We should totally just *stab* North Carolina!


South Carolina: Cady Heron

New to the group, not from around here… Cady rises to the top by being hot and smart and surrounding herself with good people at the beginning. Not only is Cady hesitant to join the rest of this group, no one really saw it coming. Now that she is here, they all love her and want to hear more. Naturally this pisses off Regina George and once Cady takes down Gretchen Wieners, we can watch the battle we’ve all been waiting for. Final Four watch out, Frank Martin is nothing to mess with.