Every other Tuesday since August, I’ve been responsible for writing about the Kansas City Chiefs. Today happens to be Tuesday and I happen to be on the hook for writing about them for the final time discussing the 2016-17 season. I’m sure this won’t surprise the few of you that know me, but I cannot talk about it. I wasn’t ready to talk about the 2014 playoff game in Indianapolis when we blew a 28 point lead. I will probably not be ready to talk about this game until 2020 at this rate. It will always be too soon when it comes to discussing the Chiefs in the playoffs for the last 20 something years of my life.

Things that I am ready to talk about instead? How selfish Rose was in Titanic, using Jack Dawson as a way to break free of her white girl problems and live her best life while he died freezing in the damn water for her. THERE WAS ROOM ON THE WOODEN PANEL, ROSE.

Have we discussed how incredibly terrible of a cartoon that Caillou kid is? If not, he is truly the worst thing I’ve ever seen. The whiny voice, his inability to just behave, the creepy lack of hair on him… Arian Foster doesn’t believe in religion and also hates Caillou. Back to things I’m ready to rant about all day…

Jay Cutler hates vaccines and is basically trying to bring tuberculosis and polio back to the 21st century because he is the human version of polio. Don’t even @ me with your Jay Cutler takes, I will hate him until the day that he dies.

How about the ridiculously complicated rules of football? Let’s just go back to the basics. Catch a ball however you want, do whatever you want to stop the other guy from getting the ball (just don’t pull on their jersey) and stop making up fake holding calls to guarantee a win for the awful Steelers. Wait, can’t talk about that yet. I’ll let Travis Kelce do it for me.


U2 is garbage outside their Joshua Tree album. Sting & The Police > U2 every damn day.

The Beach Boys > The Beatles

Nike slides > flip flops

Racerback tops > tube tops

Kansas City Chiefs > Raiders, Broncos and Chargers.

That’s all folks. There are the things I am ready to discuss instead of the atrocity of the game that I witnessed on January 15th.

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I like malt liquor & froyo

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