Human Foosball…It’s a Thing


A couple months back, I had the rare opportunity to take part in a human foosball game. Here are a couple lessons that I learned from this daring, painful, and almost shameful event.  

First, a little bit about the “rules” (I say “rules” as “rules” because they were incredibly loosely followed). (Which is why we didn’t win).  First things first, your hands could not leave the pole in front of you-like game foosball. That automatically gave the ball to the other team. Second, it was a set up like this:


The final rule was really pretty much that they aren’t really following rules, which is an incredibly hard rule to follow if you have nothing but the need to win running through your veins at all times. Oh, and two 5 minute halves.

Now, some lessons about playing human foosball that make great metaphors for life.

  1. PICK YOUR TEAM WISELY: and by team I mean your friends. And by your friends, I mean the people you associate yourself with. You are the company you keep, as my momma always said. 
  1. SOMETIMES BALLS FLY AT YOUR FACE just like life throws balls. Curve balls, soccer balls, smelly balls. Be ready. They come hard and they come fast. And sometimes they’re welcomed! But sometimes your hands are tied up, whether it be in holding a pole or being occupied by other things we can’t always dodge them, and when we don’t dodge them they leave us with bloody noses, broken glasses, and black eyes.
  1. SOMETIMES THE POLE GOES ONE WAY AND YOU WANT TO GO THE OTHER. Sometimes the people you have teamed up with see that it is more beneficial to go left when you thought the best and most logical route was to go right. But newsflash, everyone sees things differently and from different angles. Be ~oPeN mInDeD~ because to be quite frank, your teammates are probably right. Oh! And! You can’t control other people! Isn’t that just glorious!? Although in human foosball, that doesn’t really have rules, you can kick the ever living shit out of some dude on the other team and nobody calls it (so wear shin guards).
  1. YOU AREN’T ALWAYS GOING TO SCORE…. I think this is just something that needs to be said. BUT you do miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take, right Wayne Gretzky/Michael Scott?
  1. BEER. SO MUCH BEER. At the end of the day it is best to just drink a bunch of beer. Free beer, at that. Sometimes other people give you all their drink tickets and you just get hammered and totally forget about how you lost in the first round and you drink yourself silly. And this, my friends, is the best way to get through this little thing called life: beer and friends… mainly friends that give you beer.  

Cheers, bitches.

[Editor’s note: This is Addie’s first (drunk) post for Sprots Takes! Be sure to show her some extra love in the comments and on social media!]

Subscribe to keep up with our latest posts!

Signup for our newsletter and get notified when we publish new articles for free!