Week 4 was not good to me.
I need to go to a meeting for people who constantly tinker with their fantasy football lineup. “Tinkerbells Anonymous,” minus the fact I just outed myself as the worst person ever at sticking with one quarterback. Remember last week when I said out loud that I was going to do this:
“I picked up Eli Manning this week in hopes to beat out my jackalope starter, Aaron Rodgers”
Like no, no one picks up Eli Manning and expects to do well. So Wednesday night, when I couldn’t sleep and I was tossing and turning over my gut wrenching decision to start Eli Manning over a shaky and inconsistent Rodgers…The devil possessed me and this thought popped into my head…
“I SHOULD PICK UP KIRK COUSINS INSTEAD OH MY GOSH HE DID SO WELL LAST WEEK THAT IS BRILLIANT GAT, DO THAT!!!!”
Well. That was a terrible idea. Eli Manning ended up going into beast mode and Kirk Cousins looked like Elvis Grbac blindfolded and missing a leg. Wait, what? Anyways, I am an idiot and I knew better but hey, at least all the teams that I help give advice to are doing well. That’s what really matters, right? Screw my own team, the people that look up to me for advice (and I have no idea why) are doing well. What are some of your worst moves you’ve ever made in a fantasy matchup? I need to hear them so I can feel better or not so alone over here in Tinkerbells Anonymous.
Anyways, back to the tinkering this week, the only teams that are on bye weeks are Oakland and Miami, so don’t worry… no one will miss them. Although, Lamar Miller was a good pickup that I advised people to grab especially against Oakland where they can’t block anything except head coaches sticking around. So this week, everyone’s teams should be in fine working order.
State of the Union: Waiver Wire Edition
- Ben Tate (RB) Cleveland- Since Ben Tate is returning from his injury, but don’t go rushing to pick him up or start him just yet. Terrance West is doing it big for the Browns and they will probably still use him. I think that Tate might stay healthy for another game or two but he is not someone you should bank on for a stellar return.
- Dwayne Allen (TE) Indianapolis- This would be a good pickup if your team allows tight ends to be in the flex position. I advised a friend to pick him up last week and he got a touchdown and some yards. He isn’t a consistent target of Luck’s yet but so far he has scored quite a bit for as little as he was targeted. This could be a better option after they face Baltimore, which has been showing up strong on defense against tight ends.
- Eli Manning (QB) New York Giants- I’m not just saying this to validate my terrible decision of dropping him and picking up Kirk Cousins. (maybe a little but whatever) The Falcons are fucking terrible and if you watched them against Minnesota, you know they will probably fall up short again this week. Seems like Eli finally found his rhythm and his offensive targets are lining up well for him too.
- Allen Hurns (WR) Jacksonville- Yeah, he was dropped almost immediately after he didn’t live up to his Week 1 hype, but he also has a legit chance now that Cecil Shorts III is hurt (shocking) and Marqise Lee is as well. All indications point to Hurns starting and tearing it up since the “Steel Curtain” that he is facing this week is more like a memory foam mattress these days.
- Normally I would say anyone playing Jacksonville or the Raiders would be good to pick up on defense, but this week that’s really not the case. I think Pittsburgh is strong on offense with uses of weapons like the wake n bake twins, Le’Veon Bell & LeGarrette Blount. Also Antonio Brown has been destroying fools out there. Jacksonville could win a game here, people.
Be sure to share your stories with me so I can get over this horrific week in fantasy football and focus on conquering another imaginary team with my imaginary talent this week!