Dear Kansas City Chiefs…

This is all horse shit. I shouldn’t even have to be writing this right now, but here we are! In case some of you aren’t familiar with my writing: this contains bad language. If you are offended by it, then GTFO before your precious eyes start bleeding.

Dear Kansas City Chiefs,

I don’t know how to be positive anymore. It is the seventh week of the Chiefs Season and I am appalled that I have to sit through nine more, inevitably terrible, fucking games. Why am I so pissy about this team? Because I was fed complete BS over the last few months about how this team is going to show up and perform. Why is it that every year we get our hopes up and think this team is worth a shit only to realize that they are not when it is too late? Too late, for Chiefs fans, fortunately came at the second game of the year-at least they started early! (See, optimistic!)

My dad and I walked up to the stadium with the nervous feeling of being Chiefs fans and knowing it was also a prime time game. We shuffled past the mobs of people, listening to Arrowhead blaring “All We Do is Win”, and tried to choke back giggles since that is the worst song ever to describe the Kansas City Chiefs. By the end of the game, we had our heads in our hands, wondering how on earth that game just happened. I was then forced to wear Broncos colors while we broadcasted the Rabble game over the next week-thanks to losing a bet to our girl, Kelly in Vegas. It was a shameful week, but we made it through and we had a chance to come back again in prime time against the Green Bay Packers.


Just kidding, we looked like a collective garbage fire on a national stage once again. What if I told you that the Chiefs made me take so many shots of vodka during the game that I couldn’t use basic motor skills? Oh, you did that too? Great. Let’s be miserable together. BUT DON’T WORRY, WE WILL BE TRAVELING TO CINCINNATI THE NEXT WEEK! Andy Dalton is nothing to be scared of, we will be fine.


Okay, look, Andy Reid takes the blame on this one. WE SCORED 21 POINTS-AT LEAST WE WERE IN THE GAME! Oh… wait… ONE guy on our team scored 21 points via field goals? Are you fucking kidding me? This is absurd. No way is it possible that we are that terrible. Just wait, at least we play Jay Cutler next week!


We lost a game that we had a lead the majority of the time, to a really shitty Jay Cutler and a beat up Bears team. GUESS WHO THAT FALLS ON? YEAH THAT WOULD BE YOUR COACHES AND THEIR INABILITY TO FIX THE PROBLEMS THE CHIEFS HAVE HAD FOR SO MANY YEARS IT MAKES MY EYES BLEED TO HAVE TO TYPE THIS SENTENCE! [Editor’s note: It made my eyes bleed to read that sentence] It’s okay though, we are heading to a young and inexperienced Minnesota team, we will be fine.



Jesus Christ, do you people even learn from your mistakes? I think a blind puppy with  no hearing and two legs could probably be adopted from the shelter before the Kansas City Chiefs (you guys) learn from their mistakes. The offensive line is so offensive that I can’t even talk about it without spitting. I can’t handle how the front office thought they really did a great job by signing Maclin and an aging Grubbs to save the damn day. IT IS OKAY YOU GUYS, WE HAVE ERIC FISHER.


This team is garbage, will always be garbage, and needs to quit rewarding themselves for getting one problem fixed when there are about FIVE more problems to fix before wasting money on a wide receiver. What are those problems exactly?

  1. Offensive line needs an overhaul. Everyone sucks, you will not convince me otherwise.
  2. Fix our time management problem. This probably means firing Reid.
  3. Fix our inability to adapt on defense. This probably means firing Sutton.
  4. Get rid of a quarterback that does not lead and does not inspire. This probably means getting rid of Alex Smith.
  5. Stop fucking lying to us. You know you are going to be terrible, stop barfing up stats about going undefeated in preseason and how that means we will be good. You know we suck. Stop being such dicks and just embrace this. Also, fix the play calling issue. That also falls on Andy Reid.

I hate you guys for leading me to believe that this team would be any less of a dumpster fire than any other Andy Reid led team. We should have listened to Philly fans when they warned us that Andy Reid is truly not going to help us win anything, ever.

Can Dayton Moore take over for the Chiefs? The Royals were fucking terrible, and I really mean fucking terrible. Dayton Moore and Ned Yost are lucky that guillotines are not popular anymore because they would have been up there pleading for their lives before the end of the 2014 season. What a strange world we live in that your NEIGHBOR busted a twenty nine year postseason drought before you fucking morons will even win a playoff game.

I am tired of rooting for a team that depresses me in the middle of my favorite season of the year. I am tired of giving a shit about a team that doesn’t seem to care about anything, but making bad choices and apologizing for it afterwards and saying they will do better. This isn’t your first year working together. This is your third year and nothing has changed. We still think Alex Smith is a joke, we still think our offensive line couldn’t block if their lives depended on it, we still think we lose games due to play calls and time management. NOTHING HAS CHANGED AND IT IS JUST GETTING WORSE. After the 2012 season, being one of the worst I can remember, with a guy killing himself and his girlfriend during the end, we are heading right back to 2-14 and the first pick of the draft.

Anyway, I am super happy we have at least a wide receiver touchdown this year, so we can stop focusing on that bullshit. Now, let’s focus on changing the shit we need the most and if  you can’t read articles (I know words are really hard)… I made you a graph:






P.S. Can I have my money back for season tickets? Thx

Subscribe to keep up with our latest posts!

Signup for our newsletter and get notified when we publish new articles for free!